


Frigid Stars

by yozakuun



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, other characters referenced, please don't read this if any of this topics trigger or squick you out, self indulgent fic here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 07:19:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18256451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yozakuun/pseuds/yozakuun
Summary: When you're alone and the pain burns too brightly, the bitter cold is the only solution.( PLEASE READ AUTHOR NOTE BEFORE CONTINUING. )





	Frigid Stars

**Author's Note:**

> So. Yesterday I had a really bad day emotionally wise, and I wrote this fanfic as a way to vent my feelings out. So this is super self-indulgent of me. The reason why I am posting this, however, is because when I was younger, reading suicide/attempt suicide fics was a huge comfort for me. So if there is anyone out there that can find some sort of relief as I did, this fic is for them.
> 
> Or, you know, anyone who likes angst. 
> 
> So please, keep that in mind when continuing onward.

        After ten years of emotional isolation, Yuusaku figured he should have been used to this feeling by now.  Emptiness was supposed to be numb and cold, a solid wall to separate him from the rest of the world. For all that time, Yuusaku was only able to rely on his voice of hope to give him the strength he needed to live on--and to later exact his revenge on his tormentors.    
        Yet as he sought out the truth and worked on moving on with his life, certain individuals wormed their ways into his heart.  As much as Yuusaku tried to maintain a mental distance from everyone, it was inevitable that he would grow to care for his newfound friends--no, acquaintances.  They had to be acquaintances, right?

 

        If they were just acquaintances, these feelings shouldn’t hurt so much, right?

 

        The war waged against the rouge Ignis was cruel and painful for all.  One by one, all of Playmaker’s allies dropped like flies. The most brutal losses for Yuusaku, however, had been those that had a hold on his emotions.  To have dueled Kusanagi himself and deal the final blow was torture enough, but to wake up from a brief coma and learn that not only had Soulburner fallen, but Revolver as well?  

        Kusanagi had been both an older brother and mentor to him, his shield to protect him as they fought for revenge.  While their alliance began with Kusanagi Jin, the bond they had forged over time was real--and Lightning took advantage of that.  Despite them predicting the Light Ignis’s plan, the pain Yuusaku felt as Kusanagi disappeared into data was all too real.

        Takeru. . . after Playmaker collapsed under duress, Soulburner had stepped up to the plate to both avenge and protect him.  The blaze of his soul burned brightly, but the flame was snuffed out due to Bohman’s overwhelming strength.

        And then there was Ryoken.  Revolver had vowed to destroy the Ignis, and while he succeeded in defeating Lightning, the win was in vain as Bohman was able to take that data to power himself up even more.  To have woken up at that moment to see Revolver dissipate in a burst of data had sent Playmaker over the edge.

 

        Adrenaline was the only thing that kept him on his feet as he dueled, anger fueling his motions and clouding his mind. His emotions almost cost him the war--if it wasn’t for Ai’s sacrifice, Playmaker would have surely lost.  In a last-ditch effort, the Dark Ignis gave his own life to protect his Origin and in the process, he left Yuusaku all alone. Regardless of eventually defeating Bohman and saving LINK VRAINs, the price he had to pay was too high.

 

        He was the only survivor.  None of the fallen duelists ever woke up.  Jin remained forever comatose. Further research showed that the other two Lost Incident victims were no longer living as well.  

        Yuusaku was all alone.

 

        In the beginning, he tried to walk forward towards a future.  For weeks he would tell himself that this is what  _ they _ would have wanted for him.  Yet each step Yuusaku took, the more the pain  _ burned _ .  No longer was the emptiness desolate, but a searing scorch branded across his soul.  Last time, there was no one around for him to form an emotional bond with. Now, however?  Now it was different. Yuusaku had friends, and in one fell swoop of war and chaos, he lost them all.  Each day that passed by, the burn in his heart grew more and more intense, threatening to consume him in agony.  

        An icy, vacant chill?  That was the emptiness he craved for, the emptiness that would numb his heart.  Not this painful heat. 

 

        Three weeks of solitary pass by, each day aching more and more.  Three weeks pass by, every step dragging heavier than the last, like an iron ball and chain was shackled to his legs.  Three weeks pass by before something inside of him just  _ snaps _ .  

        Nightmares plagued his dreams--which, while not unusual, the content was different.  Gone was the phantom pains and YOU LOSE, only to be replaced by the visuals of his comrades-- _ his friends _ \--falling like dominos.  Playmaker may have won the war, but he lost everything as a result. 

        The nighttime scene of Den City saw Yuusaku walking aimlessly down the streets, hood obscuring his face as his thoughts roamed along with his feet.  Why, why was only  _ he _ allowed to pursue a new future?  After everything they  _ all _ worked so hard for, why only  _ him _ ?  It just wasn’t fair!

 

        His thoughts on a mantra, when his stride was broken by the metal bars of a railing, only then did Yuusaku’s mind return to the present.  Viridescent eyes widening, he looked out over Stardust Road in all of its glory. The stars twinkled brightly above, their reflection glistening across the ocean’s surface to create a glorious sight.  On any other night, Yuusaku would stand and admire the rare scene. Tonight, however, three thoughts flashed through his brain, now stuck on repeat.

 

        One, the burning ache in his chest flared up brightly, threatening to consume his very being.  It hurts  _ so much _ , this scorching agony of emptiness.

        Two, it wasn’t fair!  None of this was fair!  Why does he get to live while everyone else dies?  He does  _ not _ deserve any of this, this fate nor this happy end.

        Three. . . the stars below were beckoning him.  Their icy embrace would soothe the charred remains of his heart, they would welcome him with open arms.

 

        This wasn’t the first time the temptations of death ventured into his thoughts.  From the torture of the Lost Incident to the years following, Yuusaku would contemplate taking his own life if it meant that he would be able to leave the abyss of his mind.  Yet the bonds he forged had been enough to drive away those negative thoughts. Yet now? Now that there was no one to hold him back from the edge?

 

        Pale hands gripped the icy rails that barred his future from him, the chill seeping through his skin.  This cold here, the last barrier, was not going to be enough to dampen the pain in his soul. Slipping his shoes off, Yuusaku hoisted himself over the railing, sitting on the metal rods for a few moments as he stared at the stars below.  

        Would his friends welcome him back?  Would he find his home in their arms?  His future had always rested with them, no matter how much he tried to deny it.  Now. . . now was the time to seek his new future.

        The frosty air that bit his exposed skin as he plummeted was only a step up, but the true ease of his burning pain was finally relieved the moment his body plunged into the icy depths of the starry water.  The frigid chill of the stars sank right down to his bones, so cold that not even the burning fire in his lungs could cause any form of regret.

 

        Finally, he would be freed from pain.  Finally, he will grasp ahold of his new future. 


End file.
